Man refuses to defend his brother’s bad business decisions at their dad’s formal hearing after years of cleaning up every overpromise he made: ‘I am not going in there to help him turn his choices into bad luck’

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  • Man in a warehouse checking a label while holding a tablet, surrounded by shelves of boxes.
  • AITJ for telling my brother I’m not covering for him at our father’s hearing anymore?

    I'm 38M. My older brother is 44. Our dad owns a small supply company that he built from scratch, and for most of my adult life the unspoken family rule has been that my brother is "great with people" and I am "great with details," which really means he makes promises and I get stuck cleaning them up.
  • About a year ago Dad started stepping back for health reasons. Nothing dramatic, but enough that vendors and clients began dealing with us more directly.
  • My brother immediately slid into the front facing role. He loves being the guy shaking hands, taking lunches, calling everyone "my friend." The problem is that he also says yes to things before checking inventory, pricing, delivery windows, labor, anything.
  • Then I get the email chain with some version of can you make this work. I have made it work more times than I want to admit.
  • Three months ago he closed a contract with a municipal buyer and promised a delivery timeline that was never realistic.
  • I told him that the same day. He said not to be negative and that he would smooth it over.
  • Man in a warehouse holding a tablet and looking to the side, with shelves of boxes in the background.
  • He did not. We missed a benchmark, then another one, and now there is a formal dispute over penalties.
  • Our dad has a hearing next week with the board that oversees the contract because his name is still on the company.
  • My brother asked me to attend and "keep the story straight." By that he means leave out the emails where I warned him, leave out the revised schedule I sent that he ignored, and present this like a vendor delay nobody could have predicted.
  • He actually said there is no point bringing up internal disagreement when the goal is to protect Dad.
  • I said I will show up if I am asked for facts, but I am not going in there to help him turn his choices into bad luck.
  • He got furious and said I care more about being right than protecting family. My aunt called and said the hearing is not the time for principles.
  • My mother cried and asked why I cannot just get through one afternoon without "making a stand." That part messed with me, because I do love my dad and I hate that his name is attached to this.
  • But I also feel like covering for my brother is part of how we ended up here in the first place.
  • Every time he overcommits, everyone expects the adults in the room to quietly absorb it. Now he is telling people I am choosing the perfect moment to humiliate him over old resentment, when from my side this feels like the first time I have refused to help write fiction.
  • xlovingirl333x nah, you stood your ground, good on you
  • Knell_Zephyr21 Original Poster's Reply Appreciate it. Took me way too long to realize keeping quiet was part of the problem.
  • j renee30152 NTj. Your name and rep will be ruined if you keep covered for your brother. He wants to be the hero and over promise. He is not a good business person and will ruin that business if he keeps it up.
  • Knell_Zephyr21 Original Poster's Reply That is the part keeping me up, honestly not even the fight with him. Dad spent decades building this, and my brother treats it like improv with invoices.
  • Consistent_Proof_772 Leave that family company because your brother is going to fire you anyway
  • 9smalltowngirl NTJ time for a come to Jesus moment with dad. Your brother is destroying the company with his actions. I would not lie for him. If asked tell the truth. Dad needs to train him on how to properly write a contract.
  • Sea-Ad9057 you are doing whats best for the company if he keeps over promising and under delivering it will bankrupt the company. tell your dad the truth and if he doesnt support you then move on somewhere else it seems your brother learned from dad so there is a chance he will side with your brother
  • mimi1011122 NTJ. Talk to your dad about the situation. Your brother is going to destroy the business. If your father is aware of all the facts, and doesn't fire your brother, I'd find another job and. I know that sounds harsh, watching your brother slowly ruin your dad's business, but there will not be a business if your brother continues to promise things to clients and misses deadlines. Your dad's business go under. With that being said, if you decide to testify, tell your dad and brother that
  • xLadyHearty Honestly yeah, sounds like this was overdue and he's just mad he can't rely on you to clean it up anymore.
  • Outrageous-Arm 1945 If anything, you would be the j for letting it get their fat without making a stand. It sounds like mummy and aunty know he's incompetent, and expect you to be the fall guy, mop up his mess, whatever like you "always do." NTJ
  • Euphoric_Park7587 NTJ. This isn't about 'being right', it's about not lying at a formal hearing. Your brother overpromised and now wants you to help rewrite it as bad luck. That's exactly how this situation keeps repeating. Protecting your dad doesn't mean protecting your brothers bad decisions.
  • KiraThreat nta, youre not the j the cycle. for stopping

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